One Year Today

Wow. It is one whole year today since I found I was carrying a small cluster of cells in my body that in 9 months time would become my beautiful baby girl.

That day will never leave my memory, because it was such a shock. We'd be trying since January 2015 to have a baby, I'd just turned 31 on the December 2014 and it felt like the right time to become a family of three (four if you include the cat). Months rolled by and I'd peed on countless ovulation and pregnancy tests and still no joy. Trying for a baby can be such a sad journey when you're not getting the result you desire oh so much.

On this day in 2016 I woke up like any other day but with added period cramps as I was due in a few days time. I always had a few tell tale cramps a few days leading up to Aunt Flo coming to town. What instantly ran through my head was 'Oh no well this month will be a no no again'. And a flood of disappointment ran through me like all the other months previously. I generally had this habit of doing a cheap dip stick pregnancy test on the days leading up to my due dates, so I could 100% rule out that I weren't pregnant. This month I did a test like always and just popped it on the window sill and walked away - so hygienic. I didn't even stick around to see the result as I weren't pregnant was I - It was ground hog day. About half hour later I went back to the test on the sill and saw a faint line.

I gasped. 'OH MY GOD' was what immediately ran threw my head 'it must be an evaporated line'. 'It cannot be real?' I then tried to squeeze out the smallest wee and I grabbed a super doper test (I had a whole collection in the bathroom drawer). I popped the First Response test into the tiniest amount of wee and before I even had the chance to throw the test wrapper in the bin two lines we appearing. It had happened. After all the waiting, I was carrying a life. My baby. I was going to be a Mum.

After that, I then rushed down stairs and grabbed my hubby and pulled him into the bathroom to show him the test. Once he realised what I was so emotional about (he thought the cat had died) he said 'Oh Baby' and hugged me so tight whilst I literally cried 'OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD' into his chest.

Roll on a year from that day we have a healthy beautiful baby girl who is 15 weeks old this Sunday and I feel blessed beyond anything in this world. I never thought the miracle of having a baby would ever happen. It's like that scene from Friends when Rachel finds out she is pregnant with Emma and Phoebe tricks her in to thinking she's not pregnant when she really is (clip HERE if you've never seen it). That morning I peed on a stick I thought it's going to be a negative and I was so upset inside. Another part of me had died again. Then my dream came true.

Back in 2014 I wrote a hand on your heart a post asking How Do You Know You're Ready? I always thought in my twenties that being a mum would change my life and I dreaded it and basically put it off. I thought my life would end and it scared the shit out of me. The wiser me now will say I was completely wrong and if I could I would go back in time and give my younger self a serious talking to I would. Yes my life has changed, but for completely ten million percent the better. I would NEVER change my life now, well only perhaps a smaller waist line! Lol. All those worries from my past seem so stupid and I regret not getting started with a family sooner. However they do say good things come to those who wait. We never gave up on our dream and I guess what I'm trying to say is you shouldn't either. No matter how long it takes.

Night night and god bless.

Angela x